Two

Thursday.

I briefly consider keeping a log of the amount of time he spends everyday playing that game. A bright green post-it note under the coffee table with columns for hours spent on the computer vs. hours spent with me. With me, not near me. They are different.

I would use the numbers to sketch out pie charts, label bar graphs, assemble percentage allocations. PowerPoints would overflow with the injustice of it all, I would win my case with statistics. There is no doubt.

But then I realize that maybe this is a spiteful thing to do. And that I am lazy. And that he is not so bad.

Mairwage

Date finally set. September 1st, Labor Day. Is it wrong to just want to grill out hamburgers and drink beer at your own wedding?

All of them, all of them, all of them, all lined up!

We ended up making the sandwiches last night. I thought they were delicious, and Matt liked them OK. The amount of Worcestershire sauce definitely made the meat too salty though, so I would cut that down next time. Otherwise I was really pleased, they were really good and REALLY filling.

This afternoon I made the cupcakes for my brother's birthday- Kirby and 1Up Mushrooms. When I was uploading the picture I thought to myself, "1Up Cupcakes... I will call them 1UPCAKES!" because I am 5 years old.

I also doodled some family portraits with the leftovers.

I'm afraid I'm becoming CRAZY CUPCAKE LADY. When neighborhood kids walk by they whisper and cross to the other side of the street.

Woot.

Things have not been peachy this week. I've been working through the whole emotional mess of being (not actually) pregnant, including realizing that part of me was really kind of happy to be having an (imaginary) baby. Not to mention then my actual period hormones, finishing all of my last projects and taking exams, trying to pin down a location for the wedding, getting ready for clinic, and still after two months not adjusting very well to the weeknight routine that goes with Matt's new hours.

But it's those damn hormones that always cloud my usually happy, sunny vision and so this morning I feel better. I have a really good backup idea for the wedding if our first choice doesn't work out. Tonight the menu calls for a Pioneer Woman recipe.

I haven't decided whether or not to try to make our own wings or to do this sandwich. They both look so good. And tomorrow we're having one of my favorite events- a big game night with my family. Plus it's my brother's birthday and he's requested me to create Mario 1UP Mushroom cupcakes, so I'll get to bake all morning. We're teetering on the edge of spring and Easter will be here soon. PLUS I found out that my uniform for my new clinic is a lab coat! So this weekend I get to go buy lab coats. I am basically a doctor now.*

* except for the part where I'm not a doctor in any way at all. However, a doctor is going to be officiating my wedding, so I think that sort of helps my cause. Plus, dude, I get to walk around a hospital in a lab coat.

March 4th shall forevermore be recognized as a national holiday.

Today is the best day ever. Ever. Today is the day that I am not pregnant.

Ok well, to be fair, I have actually had a streak going of several thousand days of not being pregnant. But I spent the past five days convinced that we were having a baby. Thoroughly convinced. I was having weird heartburn and my insides felt so strange. My belly right above my pants was hard and poochy. I was farting like crazy and my boobs HURT. Other things hurt. My teacher had jokingly asked if I was pregnant when I missed morning classes because I was sick. Ruby peed all over our bed, which she never does. And I wasn't getting my period.

I have never, ever in my life thought that I was pregnant. Never even suspected. But this time, what else could it be? All those weird symptoms, plus my period is never late when I'm on the pill. On Friday I starting mentioning to Matt that I thought maybe, and by Sunday I had taken my first pregnancy test. First two pregnancy tests actually, because I fucked the first one up. The second one came out a very faint negative and was completely unconvincing. By Monday, we were both sure that by Thanksgiving we'd been singing lullabies and changing onesies. It wasn't ideal, but we could handle it. We weren't as sad as we would be if it had happened six months ago, but certainly not as happy as we would be if it happened six months from now. But here we were.

Except then today on my way home from school, over 6 days late, I bought one more test. And in the moment that I sat down to pee on the stick, I got my period.

I see a lot more appreciation for our little family of 2 in the near future. And a whole lot of condoms.

IEEEEE

Am not dead. Yet. Last week of classes, many more updates soon. xox