One

we watched high fidelity yesterday and the end hit me in a good way, i think. there is no boy on earth who would do all the things he doesn't, plus all the things he does. focusing on the small list of too late to see the show's and not helpful enough in the kitchen's and doesn't say what i need when i need it's won't get you anywhere. seeing the holds me exactly right's and always so proud to teach me's and the makes me laugh from my stomach's is what it's about.

so i spent the rest of the day letting myself be brilliantly happy.

tim robbins in that ponytail and karate outfit may also have had something to do with it.

For those (all?) of you who couldn't see the pictures, these are what i need in the opposite order of which i need them.

http://www.threadless.com/product/196/Portrait_of_a_Gentleman

http://www.threadless.com/product/68/She_Doesnt_Realize

http://www.threadless.com/product/178/Pandamonium

moving soon, puppies. i'll keep you posted. this isn't an i'm hiding move just an i'm bored one.

WE INTERRUPT THIS BREAK TO TELL YOU VERY IMPORTANT NEWS

which is that i need

this:

and especially this:

and by need i mean want my mom to buy for me. right now.

xoxoxo

one of my favorite stories matt tells is about when his friend had one of those tiny little chihuahuas and she took it on vacation with her to the ozarks. they were standing out enjoying the scenery on the long dock connected to the backporch of the house they were staying in when a hawk swooped down and carried the dog away.

he is also the only person i know who can suggest throwing your hamster into a fire and be genuinely trying to be sensitive and helpful.

where i work has a building named swords hall and whenever i hear someone say "i'll be at swords" i smile. i myself have never had a reason to go there, but i imagine it's a beautiful place full of bearded scallywags swapping sharkfight stories, talking about their scars and the time they lived for 3 weeks on nothing but barnacles and seawater. and that makes me happy.

i have officially taken it to the next hobo level: sleeping in my car.

three days so far this week i've gone to my car in the parking lot during lunch, set the alarm on my phone and napped. and while according to those close to me i am a superhumanly fast sleeper (and also a FAST POOPER which is a different story) i think everyone should do this. i feel completely re-energized afterwards, like i'm starting the day over. try it.

notes from class
part 4 of 16

i have a favor to ask you. all of you. and all your friends. and your parents, and your co-workers, and especially your children.

stop using the word retarded.

i see it so often in your writing. i hear you say it in the grocery store and over dinner. i used to do the same thing. it's casually slipped into your conversations, where your kids learn what to call their classmates.

"but it's just a word," people argue defensively. "a medical term. it means slow. you're the ones who are turning it into something bad." if it's just a word, if it means so little to you, then don't use it. you bloggers have no excuse. you're talented, intelligent people. please, phase it out of your vocabularies.

you do good things, internet, and i know most of you don't mean any harm. but the bottom line is that there are children i love who are brilliant and beautiful and i would fight until my knuckles bled before i let you make them cry.

he doesn't call me monkey for nothing.

it's monday morning at 9:26 and i've been awake for over 4 hours. i haven't showered since saturday. i'm wearing the same pants i wore on friday, a shirt with some cat hair on it, brown shoes and no socks. i couldn't even find the mismatched pair from last week. when i tried to put my deodorant on, the top of it fell off and broke the remaining part into little pieces, which i then had to put onto my hand and rub around on my armpits. at the end of my 2 1/2 hour commute from the boy's house, i was passing a truck and through the rainy gloom couldn't see a car that didn't have its lights on and very literally was thisclose to a head-on 65 mile an hour collision and all i could do was scream FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK at matt into the phone. now i'm in my office with a tired headache, hands that smell kind of funny, and nothing to do for the 7 hours and 34 minutes before i can go home to revise his resume and do my homework.

VALENTINE'S DAY I AM SORRY FOR BOYCOTTING YOU.

it was his idea really. i even bought him that mortar and pestle and put a pink bow on it. just because i sharpied the card and turned the hearts into fish and abraham lincolns and the lovesick penguins into firebreathing dragons and hobos doesn't make it any less meaningful. i know we're not dressing up for a fancy dinner or renting a hotel room with a heart shaped minibar or even seeing each other at all today, but we ate some pizza and played trivial pursuit and watched movies and generally didn't get dressed all weekend. shouldn't that count for something?

please leave me alone.

love,

today i am wearing one gray sock and one blue with gray stripes sock:

and while admittedly it's because i haven't done laundry since before the Fillmore administration, i also like being unprofessional where no one can see.