have i told you that i'm allergic to my room here?
it stuffs my nose up and
i have to breathe through my mouth.
i never sleep with my mouth open.
what sort of person does that?
it's uncomfortable and unfamiliar and
being here hasn't fixed things the way i thought it would.
hasn't fixed me the way i thought it would.
we have the same conversation every time.
i thought you were leaving.
you sound like you want me to stay.
i only want you to stay if you want to.
you want me to, so i will. ok?
circular games for those who ballet around things.
i always give in and say i want you here,
pretending that loving me enough to do what you know i want
makes up for not wanting it yourself.
it doesn't.
but giving in means i can hear you breathe
and people who have to keep their mouths open
can sleep.